I would hold my head and ask “Why me?”

“My difficult feelings are also validated by my counsellor and it helps me to know I am not crazy, just a bit screwed up from so many years of abuse.”
mats story

Matt Reveals

“Possibly the most damaging part of the trauma is that feeling that no one wants to listen. When I try to talk about my feelings, some people react by shutting me out in order to protect themselves from the horror. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach when no one will believe me, or become angry with me and reject me for speaking my truth.”
Sometimes, when I try and talk to my family and friends, I think nobody understands what it’s like to have lived with adverse childhood experiences, long-term abuse over decades and the consequences of long-lasting emotional trauma.
I feel utterly alone, even though I’m surrounded by people.
It’s awful!

“Counselling has given me hope for a brighter life ahead.”


Matt says,

“The journey to recovery and healing is far more difficult than I ever imagined and it makes a world of difference to be listened to without criticism, blame, denial or judgement.”

There’s a whole range of feelings and emotions, grief, anger, outrage, tears, and even the occasional desperate ‘sitting on the floor in a heap’.

“I buried it for so long – all the trauma. But since I started counselling, it feels a big relief to slowly get it out in the open, to share my massive burden with a professional person who can empathise with my traumatic experience and offers me unconditional positive support.”

“Counselling has offered an explanation, rationalises my experiences and validates my feelings.”

I thought that maybe I have to learn to live with the ambiguity of the pain. Maybe time would heal my pain somehow.

All I knew back then was that, I was so wrapped up in my pain and heartache that, I could barely function. I would hold my head and ask “Why me?”.

“My difficult feelings are also validated by my counsellor and it helps me to know I am not crazy, just a bit screwed up from so many years of abuse.”

It helps to know that my counsellor is alongside me at times when I ride the roller coaster of good and bad days. But healing comes in cycles, like the waves. It feels crazy sometimes, and just when I think I am getting better, it all comes back again to sweep me out to sea again. These feelings are normal and similar to grief, you think you’re over it and then out of nowhere, another wave hits you and you fall over.
You just have to go with it until you can stand up again.


Matt admits…

In the beginning there were some VERY dark moments, but over the following few weeks the darkness passed. With the support and nurturing warmth that counselling gives me, I’ve begun to do things to nurture myself daily and although it feels unfamiliar, I do these things anyway.

Before all of this I just felt numb and shutdown all the time. Talking to my counsellor is more helpful than talking to a kind, compassionate friend. It really started feeling better when I stopped listening to others on how I “should feel”.

“Counselling has given me strength and helped me to build emotional resilience.”
“I have learned some healthy coping skills. I’ve started riding my bike more, I go swimming now, and I even went to the river a couple of times. I learned to ride a motorcycle last week.”

“A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”

– Katie Byron